Hidden Vein of Gold Discovered in Duncan Downs Stream
In a discovery that’s shaking up this quiet Kent seaside town, local ramblers have reportedly uncovered traces of gold in the streams that meander through Duncan Downs. Geologists from the ‘South East Mineral Authority’ (SEMA) were called in and claim to have found a hidden gold vein beneath the ancient clay layers, sparking what some are calling the “Whitstable Gold Rush.”
Locals are already seen panning for gold, with makeshift sieves and colanders borrowed from their kitchens. A new group calling themselves the “Downs Prospectors Guild” has been established, and early risers claim to have already found “sparkling nuggets” in their morning dog walks.
SEMA issued a mock advisory suggesting temporary land parcels will be available for “micro-mining licenses,” leading to a flood of online applications crashing the council website. Rumour has it that plots the size of picnic blankets are being offered for £5 a day.
Whitstable’s estate agents have reportedly begun marketing back gardens near the Downs as “potential gold mines,” and cafes are advertising “gold-dusted oysters” and “strike-it-rich coffee” to lure in prospectors.
Local authorities, of course, have reminded residents: “Today is April 1st. Don’t sell your house just yet.”
